These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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