Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize