woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
