the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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