haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize