there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
