He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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