They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize