Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
