she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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