I wish I could punch you in the face.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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