Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize