I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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