I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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