It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude. I can hear the air.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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