Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
