spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
