He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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