Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
