I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize