Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
