We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
