R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
