I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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