i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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