i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
