Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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