so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
