and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
