And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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