C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
