You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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