WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am one with the molecules
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
