careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
