He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
