Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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