Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
