How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize