great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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