I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
