Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
