i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
