She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
