Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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