you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
