apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
