I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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