just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
