are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
