Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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