Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
