so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
