the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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