I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
