You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
