i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
