direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
