remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
