You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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