I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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